


Odd Magic

by You_Light_The_Sky



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad Humor, Crack, Fairly Odd Parents, Gen, Harry just wants Tom to stop wishing for bad things, If Harry was a Fairly Odd Parent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:17:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7789879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/You_Light_The_Sky/pseuds/You_Light_The_Sky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Harry, Fairy Godparent Extraordinaire, is assigned Tom Riddle. </p><p>Birthday gift for thecarnivorousmuffin on tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	Odd Magic

**Author's Note:**

> A non-serious fic for the wonderful thecarnivorousmuffin! Happy Birthday!

Harry Potter, overworked and overstressed employee of Fairies Incorporated, just wanted a vacation already.

“ _Sybil_ ,” he fluttered his wings aggressively, “what happened to my holiday application?”

His boss, Sybil Trelawney, merely yawned and stretched back her hands in the air. She had a rather impressive game of checkers floating beside her. She was also playing against a fluffy penguin. But Harry wasn’t one to judge how other fairies spent their free time. Thousands of years alive tend to bring out all sorts of quirks.

“Hm? What application? I must have missed it during one of my visions. I’m a busy bird, you know,” she managed to king one of her pieces.

“I left it floating in front of you two weeks ago! I even taped it to your forehead so you wouldn’t forget! I’m _done_ my current assignments. I. Need. A. Holiday.”

“What was that? You’re ready to work? Perfect! I have just the child for you, Hadrien—”

“No, damn it, Sybil, _no!_ No more children! I can’t stand them anymore! If I have to hear another brat drooling just before puberty or whining about how _terrible_ their (frankly) _lovely_ parents are, I will scream! What happened to ‘ _fairies are only assigned to miserable children?_ ’ Hm? These brats brighten up as soon as they get ice cream, they’re hardly miserable. I won’t do it!”

“Oh.” She drooped down. Even her floating crown seemed to wobble. Harry was determined to resist her puppy eyes this time around. “Then, I suppose this poor unfortunate child will have to be assigned to Mr. Filch…”

Harry nearly bit his own tongue off. “What?! That’s ridiculous! You can’t just assign _Filch_ to a child, he’ll ruin them! Isn’t Hermione free right now? Or Cho? Ron?”

“This is a Class S child, I’m afraid. Ms. Granger, Ms. Chang and Mr. Weasley just don’t have the clearance or training that you do to deal with this kind of child.”

Harry’s wings nearly stopped fluttering. “You can’t be serious. A Class _S_ child. We haven’t had one of those in _centuries_. You just want me to work again, don’t you?”

“No, no, no, of course not!” Trelawney flew up, tossing her checkerboard away and grabbed a floating file folder. “See, this child has the potential to change the world if we don’t intervene and try to give him a happier childhood. Look at Parallel Universe Number 1009876.”

This time, Harry had to sit down on an actual chair. “His soul has affected over a _million_ universes this drastically?”

“More than that, really. We’ve lost count.”

 _Stardust_ , Harry was not paid enough to deal with this shite. But he _was_ curious…

“Fine.” He took the folder, “But after this child, I better have the longest vacation ever, Sybil.”

She smiled in that annoying way. “Of course, Hadrien, dear. My inner eye tells me that you won’t regret it.”

0

Trelawney was, as usual, a liar. This child was hardly one at all. Fairy godparents were never assigned to children over the age of twelve and this one was already thirteen. If this Tom Riddle was such an urgent soul that could change the course of the universe, then why hadn’t the HR department assigned a fairy to him sooner?

 _Teenagers_. Harry could barely handle children let alone pre-teens. What a mess. He flipped through the files again. A history of being bullied and then becoming a bully himself. A thief. Manipulative. Liar. Probably borderline sociopath but Harry didn’t have a Human Psychology degree to properly diagnose Riddle. He just granted wishes, for Dust’s sake!

Most of the time, children who abused their wish privileges were never assigned Fairy Godparents or had their fairies taken away. But Class S children… They were definitely… something else. The last Class S that Harry had to deal with was Merlin himself.

Well, Harry looked longingly at the tickets he booked for a spa resort, no better time to start than now.

0

Most of the children that Harry was assigned to lived in relatively safe, clean homes. These children usually had parents who didn’t come home often and felt lonely. These children also lost their Fairy Godparents sooner because their problems were easily fixed or they were careless in breaking The Rules.

Tom Riddle was not most children.

Saint Wool’s orphanage was barely habitable for healthy human lifestyles. Harry noted the pale, stained walls, bleached of colour and the raggedy blankets given to each orphan there. The mattresses looked hard as concrete and Harry was sure he’d spotted a few cockroaches (those, he poofed somewhere else.) Most of the children looked stained in ash and dirt, their clothing too big or small on their frames. The urge to adopt all of them came but Harry shook it away. He couldn’t be too sentimental to human children. It never did him good.

Riddle, on the other hand, managed to make his worn clothes look pristine. He only sat on the edge of the dining hall, reading a book, his posture all too perfect for a teenager. Something about Riddle made the other children nervous. They stayed far away from him, playing amongst themselves. Harry couldn’t help but wonder if humans could sense the potential power that Riddle had to change the world or if they were simply petty.

In either case, as soon as Riddle left to his room, Harry followed and made his entrance.

“Hi there!” Harry said in his chirpiest voice.

Immediately, Riddle spun around and pointed a… a… stick at him. No, holy mackerel, it was a wizard’s wand!

“Whoa, watch where you point that thing!”

Riddle’s wand crackled at him with such dazzling red aura that Harry almost wanted to steal it away. But that wasn’t the point.

“Who are you?” Riddle demanded.

“I’m Harry. Your new fairy godparent.”

Riddle narrowed his eyes. “You don’t look like any type of fairy that I’m familiar with…”

“Well, you wouldn’t be,” Harry shrugged. “We’re only assigned to children in need. And we leave when you don’t need us anymore. Or if you break The Rules. In either case, you lose your memory of us after and our existence is kept secret. As it should be.”

“…Interesting.” Riddle looked at Harry’s wings and floating crown, as well as the star on Harry’s wand (Every standard fairy wand had a star. He really wished wizard wands looked more decorative too.) “What do you do exactly?”

“Grant wishes. Within reason,” Harry tacked on, because Class S children could be tricky like that. Er... teenagers. Right. Harry really didn’t like his assignments looking so tall. Damn it, Trelawney. If his boss didn’t hire new HR staff within the next year, Harry would have to do it himself.

“Hm. Anything I want?”                      

“Within _reason_.”

“You have rules then? Wishing laws in your society?”

“Yup!”

“And can other people see you? Wizards? Muggles?”

“Nope. Just you.” Nice to have a child who asked all the right questions. Most children just started wishing right away and then whined Harry’s head off about how _unfair_ he was if he couldn’t grant a wish.

For a moment, Riddle said nothing.

Then he smiled, and it was the most terrifying thing Harry ever saw on a child ( _teenager, damn it_ ) his age.

“Then I suppose you’ll be helping me take over the world.”

“Wait… what?”

Harry suddenly had the urge to poof back to Trelawney and hand in his resignation letter.

This was a terrible idea.


End file.
